Fear, Failures, and Female Founders

The real stories behind building a business, where fear and growth collide, and how you can lean into it

I am experimenting with writing some thought pieces, open to all, specifically about being a female founder, and about the successes, joys and pitfalls I face in the choice I’ve made to be a small business owner.

Founder Unfiltered will have the same chatty approach, but a slightly different focus.

I’d love to know if this is something that appeals to you as a reader, if it’s something you’d like to hear more about.

The aim here is to share all the goss (real and unpolished) on building a business. It’s about progress, not perfection. A space for female founders to learn from each other and embrace the ups and downs of entrepreneurship—because it’s so much better together. (And yes, I’m pretty sure we’re all addicted to creating business stationery…).

What do you think?

As the founder of Quiet the Hive, a small business, I meet so many female founders who hold themselves back from their true potential because of their fears.

And it rings true because I experience them too.

• I’ve held myself back from pitching my business for fear of what others might think (or just straightforward failure).

• I’ve crafted many a social media post but deleted it for fear of being seen either as boastful, or that someone will point out the flaws in what I’m doing.

• I’ve undersold myself.

• I’ve said yes to business out of a fear of scarcity rather than because I was excited to do it.

• I’ve said ‘no’ to opportunities that I would love to have said ‘YES’ to. From fear.

I want to explore some of the messages we may feed ourselves, and some of the lies we might perpetuate by accident.

One of the articles that sparked those most interaction here was the one where I shared that, despite running my own business for six years (this January), the first time I paid myself was in April. This financial year.

This morning, I had a chat with my lovely ex-husband about the fact that I was able to pay myself for the first time this month. I think he was quite shocked that (a) I’d not done it before and (b) the small amount I was going to be paying myself. I don’t think he’s alone.

You can read the article in full here

I had multiple messages telling me a range of things:

• “Thank you for sharing this, it makes me feel so much better”

• “Isn’t getting to this point in your business brilliant?”

• “You’re so brave to share this”

The overarching feel was one of not being alone in feeling this way.

How often have you decided not to speak about a challenge you’re experiencing in your business for fear of the impact?

We aren’t often encouraged to talk about the terrifying bits about being a female founder. We worry that if we open up about it, our current or potential clients will question whether they should be part of a business that isn’t ‘perfect’ (so, Lovely you, I’m taking a bit punt here talking about this!).

I shared more about this in the podcast episode I recorded with

Anna Rose

where I shared that the fear is there all the time (you can listen here). I am the only grown up in the house, so all the bills are mine.

If I’m not making a success of Quiet the Hive, then no-one else is going to do it for me.

Being a female founder is bloody fabulous. I LOVE being in control of the work I do, the creativity I engage with, the clients I say yes to, the time I take away from my computer to be with my children, The Beloved, and myself.

I adore that I’m finally doing what I want to do when I’m a grown up.

But the hidden fears, the ones we don’t talk about, are here all the time. And while they’re not just for female founders, they loom large for us:

Fear of…

• Failure

• Being visible

• Being judged

• Financial insecurity

• Being ‘found out’

• Getting it wrong

When you run your own business, it feels like more than just a job; it’s a reflection of you. It runs deep and feels hugely personal. Each knock back, when you’re not feeling resilient, feels like rejection.

As women, the fact that we are often taught not to show off, take up space, or be the centre of attention means that running your business can feel doubly hard as we push against those narratives too.

We are also not expected (still) to deal with money; and so we’re taught to fear it. That’s very much a ‘blue job’. But it’s a key part of running your own business, right?! I saw a recent post from Holly Tucker on Instagram (a huge champion of female founded businesses) where she says that less than 2p in every pound goes to a female entrepreneur.

So, we are pushing against the narratives created for us. We’re continually out of our comfort zones. We’re taught that we should be in competition. And we’re pitted against field (business) where men are traditionally the biggest leaders, and take up the most space.

We do battle with the inner voice that keeps us stuck:

• “What if I fail?”

• “What if people think I’m not good enough?”

• “What if I put myself out there and no one cares?”

When we listen to those fears, we hold ourselves back from growth, from opportunity and from success.

One of the punchiest lines I heard was from the brilliant Brené Brown, I think when she was in conversation with

Elizabeth Day

on her ‘How to Fail’ podcast. The question is one I now like to pose when I’m working with women on failure. She went beyond the usual question of ‘what would you do if you couldn’t fail?’ and took it to the next level:

What would you do, even if you knew you WOULD fail?

And that’s important. Why? Because we WILL fail. It happens to us all. But (and the point, I think, of Day’s podcast is) it’s how we recover and what we learn that is the important bit.

Failure is not the end point. It’s data.

But we don’t see it though to it’s full consequence. The fear of failure is often the thing that stops us. We go through the long list of disasters that await us. We dramatise the outcome that feels most terrifying and use it as an excuse not to go further.

What we forget though is that these things are not guaranteed to happen. They’re actually often totally unlikely to happen.

And yet they still stop us in our tracks.

Try this:

A trick I like to play on myself is to totally allow my brain to go to town on the worst case scenario (the failure, the humiliation, the agonising decay of my reputation…).

Then do the opposite and allow myself to go outrageous on the absolute best case scenario (this can often involve me commanding multiple zero figures for just showing up somewhere, and being great friends with Kate Winslet and Sue Perkins…).

Then, and this is the magic, I make myself explore the most likely outcome.

By this time, my mind has moved into the more rational and reasons that some of the blockers I’m putting up are totally unlikely to happen.

And of course I’ve tricked myself into doing the bonus, brilliant move of exploring the possibilities (albeit equally unlikely!) of what might happen if I did the thing and it worked..

I genuinely believe that female founders will have more success (whatever you define that as) when we are better at letting down our guard, and sharing what’s going on for us. When we talk about our fears and share them, we make them feel less insurmountable, and take some of the power out of them. We can also share our best, crone wisdom for how to overcome them.

The fear is normal

But you can’t let it call the shots.

So, what’s going on for you? Private message me if you like and share your biggest fears as a female founder, and I’ll compile an (anonymous) list of them and share them, and make us all feel better for not being alone…